Clambering Through

Monday, November 10th

Welcome (back) folks! This weekend brought the first snow of the season and days have continued to shorten, falling dark well before 5 pm. Consequently, my motivation to do much of anything has also fallen short. Tata is not a fan of the cold but she is a fan of her jacket (it came with her from the rescue agency uwu). Most of the time, we are glued to the couch listening to podcasts on mental health and intersectional liberation and all I have to show for it is this post’s title (I’m like an early FOB/P!ATD song title); i.e., this is how subterfuge came to be, because it definitely wasn’t pre-existing in my head, and it was paired with the things I’ve been reading, which all coalesced into a neat theme (funny how things work out sometimes). Ok, thanks for getting through the world’s worst run-on sentence.

Buckle up for a bit more brain dump. I promise it gets fun again. blah blah insert something pithy about dialectics. Besides drowning in audio media, you can find me among my doom piles ruminating on the questions, “what is our responsibility to one another?” and “is this the worst group project of all time?”.

Thinking back to the height of group projects, the US education system leaves much to be desired. Given the ethnocentrism and American exceptionalism steeped in our K-12 curricula, it comes as no surprise significant disparities in knowledge of world history and geography exist compared to other countries. Research on US university students concluded geographic literacy is a strong predictor of moral development as described by Kohlberg and Gandhi. Notably, a myriad of factors impact moral development. Nevertheless, it’s no coincidence 83% of Americans believe morals values are declining and simultaneously this nation refuses to acknowledge the stolen land upon which it was founded (through the displacement of Indigenous populations and built on the backs of enslaved Africans). I bet you’re thinking, “she must be fun at Thanksgiving,” and you would be right.

Moreover, globalization has been underway for centuries; more specifically, conquest and colonization have been central to shaping global dynamics. Any objections to it are written off (spurn???) in the name of “progress,” lest we concern ourselves with poverty, environmental destruction and human rights violations. True to form, the United Nations is a big proponent of producing global citizens while failing to intervene in the concurrent genocides at present. Examining this train of thought further, the framework of game theory comes to mind. Of course it makes sense the contemporary crusade of the “powers that be” revolves around generating an army of socially-conscious, collectivist individuals whose altruism can be easily exploited. Essentially, we the people are playing a rigged game. Systems operate on the assumption a majority of us will act for the greater good, allowing the few but detrimental bad-faith actors to remain “non-cooperative,” perpetuating the notion this life is zero-sum (tying it back to the “necessary” collateral damage). Tangentially, think about how celebrity private jet carbon emissions go unchecked the next time your paper straw disintegrates into your smoothie.

But I digress. It’s easy to get caught up in despair. In between all the heavy, there have been many beautiful moments of levity. As some friends graciously noted, I have been keeping busy in a desperate attempt to stave off even a fraction of seasonal depression. Subhanallah for the fall colors, sunrises and sunsets. I went to my first Buck’s game and proceeded to talk shit the entire time (how cathartic). I spontaneously decided to get a tattoo and designed it on the spot with the artist freehanding on my shoulder. funny how I consider myself so type A, aka anxious and controlling, yet this is the third time i (committed to a permanent body modification) embraced whimsy and trusted the process. More on how we label and thus, limit, ourselves another day. I spent time in meaningful community, participated in two research studies (aka respectably selling my body for *science*), took in some jazz one can only classify as modern experimental. 10/10 would recommend a good karaoke sesh and it doesn’t gotta to be fancy! Imagine a living room tv equipped with youtube- bonus points if you have any mics or fun lighting. I’m on day 37 of my duolingo streak and can now tell you that I do not enjoy running in the morning or evening!

And returning to the original prompts, if we accept we’re already in the bad place, it gets a little easier. As my friend recently pointed out, it’s a dark hehe not a lighthearted haha kinda week. Anyway, what is friendship/community if not responsibility and also the ultimate group project. You get to choose your partners and create the exact relationship dynamics you want!! The challenge of this season is in caring for myself (or anything, yay seasonal apathy). It directly impacts my ability to be in community but I know when I feel untethered and restless, I have to intentionally ground myself through community. For instance, eating has been hard lately and it’s soup szn so channeling my inner ajooma, I made kimchi tofu soup and distributed four quarts. Lately, I may or may not be subsisting on chocolate quinoa crisps and pbfit bars (pls don’t stop selling them, costco).

At any rate, I am riding the struggle bus. And that’s okay. I’m proud I got on here and sat down to work on this today. It is a candid peek into what’s been occupying me the last few weeks. It was becoming very possible I would abandon this entire enterprise *gestures to blog* due to writer’s block. There are a handful of themes I started to explore sitting in my drafts but truthfully, I may never get to them. And that’s ok too. As for the other pages, there are no hobby updates, exciting recipes, cute outfits (I am a serial outfit repeater – think about Arthur, he has good branding). Now if you’ll excuse me, I have an entire head of cauliflower that needs my attention.

If you’re bored/restless/interested in anything above, here are some additional actionable items:

• Learn Geography with interactive map quizzes here
• You’ve heard of Wordle, now meet Globle (play with me!!! below are spoilers for yesterday and today’s puzzles)
• Find out on what Indigenous land(s) you currently reside (WI First Nations Map)
• Some (not very light) reading suggestions
  • Harrowing accounts of the martyr, Mohamed Khamis Douda, and survivors from El Fasher
  • A history of the subjugation and weaponization of Yemeni Jews in Palestine
  • Congo 101: King Leopold II and a modern NGO perspective of the “conflict” in DRC.
  • A look into the aftermath of the most recent “ceasefire” in Gaza
  • Voting is Not Harm Reduction – An Indigenous Perspective
  • Unmasking the ICE-Israel Connection (did you know ICE was created with the Dept of Homeland Security in 2003 – barely legal!)
  • More about game theory: Mathematical, Economic, Evolutionary
    

Healed women are fluent in goodbye – r. h. Sin

If you made it this far, you’re a real one. I hope you enjoyed. According to the site, this was a 10th grade reading level (side note: these are inaccurate and imprecise for many reasons and don’t indicate much!). A beast to get through. Go treat yourself: here are some photos as a reward, if that’s what you’re into. Sorry, these look terrible on mobile/in the email newsletter.

Can’t get enough?? Want more?? You’ll get notified when I post. Yipee!